Rage – “Secrets in a Weird World”
From the album: Soundchaser

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Why this song doesn’t suck:
Rage is a band that doesn’t receive nearly as much attention as they rightly deserve. Seemingly unknown to most people outside a certain portion of the metal community, Rage has been pumping out albums pretty consistently since the mid-80’s, nearly never failing to impress with every new release. Personally, I can always count on playing a Rage album and being treating to a delightful barrage of swift-fingered guitar work & top-notch drumming fronted by the unmistakable sound of Peavy Wagner behind both the bass guitar and the microphone.

Rage’s 2003 release, ‘Soundchaser’ was one hell of a good album… one of my favorites in fact. From the ominous opener “Orgy of Destruction” and such killer tunes as “War of Worlds”, “Great Old Ones”, and the title track  through the closing 2-parter, I’ve always enjoy listening to ‘Soundchaser’. It’s extremely hard for me to pick out my favorite track from an album like this, but I felt one that stood out to me was “Secrets in a Weird World”.

Well, as I’m sure no one has noticed, it’s been a long damn time since I’ve posted anything on this here site of mine. For some reason I just haven’t felt all that inclined to write about much. Sure, I’ve seen some damn good flicks over the past few months, and yes, I’ve had a few adventures… hell, I guess you could say I’ve been a lazy, lazy fuck. So… well… sorry I guess. Now, back to business.

Over the past few months I’ve really been getting into a little-known hard rockin’ outfit by the name of Volbeat. These Danish s.o.b.s know what’s up when it comes to some oldschool hard-rock-and-freaking-roll! With obvious influences from classic rock ‘n roll bands of old, it’s a tad hard to categorize their sound… I’ve heard them referred to as Elvis-Metal, and with some songs I could justify that comparison. But don’t be fooled. Volbeat can be some heavy, heavy mufuckas. You just have to look past a few somewhat ridiculous lyrics and some English mispronunciations on their singers part (personally, I give him a break considering English isn’t his first language). “Keep it on my baby sukupa dupa lupa dup pop”? Okay man, I’ll let it slide, just make sure you blow my face off with some rocking tunes to accompany that mouthful of nonsense.

And with that I present exhibit A: “A Moment Forever” from their second album ‘Rock the Rebel / Metal the Devil’:

Sure, like most bands, Volbeat likes to mix it up a bit. They have slow songs, fast songs, heavy songs, soft songs… but without a doubt, they all have one things in common: they’re all really fucking good. So do your earholes a favor and check these guys out already.

On one quick final note: I experienced a truly jubilant morning a few weeks back when I found out that, beyond all of my expectations, these guys were added as the openers for the Metallica show I’m hitting up this November. Will I be getting to the venue early to check these guys out? You damn well better believe it.

Official Website: www.volbeat.dk
Official MySpace: www.myspace.com/volbeat

Until I’m able to completely cleanse my system of the Hooburito induced grease that’s been oozing from my pores since this weekend, the only person I want to hear the dreaded “H” word from is Frazzles the Channel 101 Squirrel.

If anyone who frequents HMG hasn’t seen the amazing TV show created by The Lonely Island (aka Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg… aka those responsible for the only redeeming content from SNL in the last decade), you need to asap. That show is called “The ‘Bu”. As in Malibu. But shorter. Since that’s how the kids are talking these days I guess.

In 3-D! Holy hell, watch it now!!

TOTALLY AWWWESOME!

The Project Hate MCMXCIX – “You Come To Me Through Hell”
From the album: The Lustrate Process

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Why this song doesn’t suck:
Oh boy oh boy! One of my favorite industrial death bands, The Project Hate, is releasing a new album next month! And wait! What’s this? A new song from that album you say?! Well fuck me sideways! Inject that awesomeness directly into my eager earballs! Pronto!

Since I first got my hands on their 2005 album, “Armageddon March Eternal (Symphonies of Slit Wrists)”, I’ve been eating up everything The Project Hate has ever written. Their fresh mix of midpaced, growl-laden death metal with electronic/industrial elements and angelic female vocals thrown in to top off the awesome makes nearly everything this band releases pure aural gold. And I’ll be damned if this new track isn’t more than up to par with anything else they’ve released. With enough twists and turns throughout the track, the near 9-minute run time never even nears the realm of “boring”. We also get treated to quite a few guest surprises throughout the song to keep us on our toes.

Late Friday night while on our return trip from a Detroit Tigers game, my sister, G3 and I hit up Denny’s. Nothing new there… it’s become customary to stop at the Belleville Denny’s while on a late night ride home from the D. This visit was different however. For this time, my face was rocked the fuck off by a meal created by most extreme… most hardcore… most incredibly talented musicians of our time: Hoobastank! That’s right, I had the honor of feasting on the mighty HOOBURRITO! Yes, Hoobastank has their own burrito meal at Denny’s. They’ve finally hit the bigtime. How exciting.

Alright, since sarcasm isn’t an easy thing to pick up when reading, I’ll stop with the bullshit now: this thing fucking sucked. While reading the description, I was intrigued to try this condensed and tightly wrapped blend of chicken, fried onions and bbq sauce. The experience of eating this overcooked greasepile however, was far from enjoyable. Every element of this meal made me feel like I needed to take a shower… I could feel my pores filling up and arteries clogging with every wet, burnt bite from the deep fried innards of the semi-transparent soft shell.

Served with tortilla chips! Get your’s today!

What incredibly huge fucking tools.

Avantasia – “Avantasia”
From the album: Avantasia: The Metal Opera – Part I

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Why this song doesn’t suck:
Sure, power metal has a tendency to be over the top and corny at times, but if done right it can be some of the most (for lack of a better word) powerful music ever perceived by human earholes. In 1999, Edguy frontman, Tobias Sammet, began writing the songs for what would become his Avantasia side project’s first release, 2000’s aptly titled The Metal Opera. This album contained some of the best power metal to be released in recent memory, my favorite of which happens to be the band’s self-titled track, “Avantasia”. This is power metal done right.