Here we have a candid look into the every day goings-on of your average corpsepaint slathered metalhead, Todd. What better way to display your inner anguish while pinching a fresh loaf of split-bottom wheat than to smear monochromatic makeup all over the front of your greasy dome? I propose there is none!

For those wishing to outwardly represent your inner demons properly, please refer to this helpful article. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

For those wishing to see more ha-has, visit superpoop.com or Drew’s other daily webcomics toothpastefordinner.com & marriedtothesea.com.

Porcupine Tree – “Blackest Eyes”
From the album: In Absentia

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Why this song doesn’t suck:
Porcupine Tree has been a non-metal favorite of mine for quite a long while now. While they often do get pretty heavy with their material, the majority of the time I would consider their work to be more along the lines of progressive heavy rock. Porcupine Tree mainman Steven Wilson certainly knows how to write some intricate, rocking tunes; of that I have no doubt. Many of their songs have a sprawling, airy, atmospheric quality… one of my favorite of which is “Anesthetize” from the band’s newest album Fear of a Blank Planet. If it wasn’t for the near 18 minute runtime of that specific tune, I would have posted it here.  However, I chose to post one of my favorite gems from the band’s 2002 album, In Absentia, entitled “Blackest Eyes”.

You have the weekend free you say? No one returning your phone calls? Well, here’s an idea: sit down and create a huge flowchart showcasing some of the most (and least) well-known names in heavy metal history. Need to come up with a moniker for your older brother’s new garage band under threat of a “wicked bad beatdown”? Well, hopefully this will help out a bit. Click the image for a much… MUCH… embiggened version.

Compliments to metalsucks.com for swiping it from comicvsaudience.net. Good show, sir.

Heavy Metal Santa and your very own Skizzbot wish you all a Heavy Fucking Metal Christmas!

I’ll be back to this whole website nonsense after the extended weekend with the family. The plan is to do all the things X-Mas is about… getting way drunk and jolly & eating to excess. Sounds like a damn good time to me.

Everyone keep those devilhorns held high… if you really must listen to Christmas music, make it Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

And yes, Heavy Metal Santa will be putting that pair of tits under my tree this year.

KMFDM – “Looking for Strange”
From the album: Tohuvabohu

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Why this song doesn’t suck:
I’ll be the first to admit that “Looking for Strange” from Germany’s industrial rock veterans KMFDM is neither the band’s heaviest, most complex or hell, best song… but I’ll be goddamned if it isn’t just about the catchiest tune that’s ever graced my much-abused eardrums. I’ve listened to it more times than I can recall, and without fail I enjoy it every time. One advantage to KMFDM is you’re never quite sure what you’ll be hearing from song to song… they’re known to mix numerous genres in their work, and while it always bears some industrial leanings, it certainly keeps things interesting.

After the enormous disappointment that was Jonathan Mostow’s Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, I was extremely reluctant to put my trust in anyone other than James Cameron to create a new Terminator installment. Growing up in the 80’s and early 90’s, the original Terminator and T2: Judgement Day were two of the foremost action films of my childhood. James Cameron’s visionary direction and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s pure hulked-up badassedness made for some amazing, iconic and ultimately legendary cinema. I’ve been craving another good… actually good… look into the world of Skynet, John Conner and Judgement Day for years now. I’m hoping McG, of all people, may be able to satisfy my hunger.

I’m happy to say that after seeing the full official trailer for the upcoming Terminator: Salvation, I think this just may be the film we fans have been waiting for… it’s dirty, gritty, and seems to have the same overall tone as T2. It may be Arnie-free, but I think we have a suitable replacement lead with Christian Bale as the grizzled and worn John Conner. I can honestly say I would prefer to put this trailer on repeat for 2 hours than watch Terminator 3… here are a few reason why: