I know I’m alienating roughly 95% of the females on the planet and destroying any chance of me getting laid in the near future by saying this, but I saw ‘Twilight‘ this weekend and HOLY SHIT… that movie blows. And I don’t mean blows in the way all of Will Farrell’s movies consistently make me wish bodily harm on him, or even in the way any movie starring Eddie Murphy is apt to make you want to punch yourself in the face for seeing it. When I say Twilight blows, I’m referring to the way it sucked the very essence of my being through my eyeballs. I wanted to die. I wanted to smash my head through the television screen to end the pain. The sweet relief of death would be welcome after sitting through two endless hours of these uninteresting goons staring at each other, biting their lips and playing baseball. This is some seriously trite shit and it makes me sad. So sad. It’s time… launch the nukes. We humans had our chance and we wasted it away. Just end it…