Why, oh why, do people who live in apartment buildings (aside from me of course) have this uncontrollable urge to slam doors, yell in hallways and just overall make way too much goddamn noise at way too goddamn late of an hour. I’m pretty sure the guy who lives above me wears massive Birkenstocks every day while stomping around his place all night like fucking Godzilla. Get some slippers, man. I don’t want to hear you marching around up there while I lie awake in bed pretending to shoot eye lasers through your floor and up your spine (which would be amazing to see… a man getting his spine melted via perfectly aligned high-powered mind laser. Hollywood, get on that. But if I see it in Saw V, I want some royalty money… I only give my ideas away for free for movies that don’t completely fucking suck).

Sorry I sound so angry, but it’s time for sleep. So shut the hell up.