Directed by: Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, a bunch of suckas getting blown to bits
Released: January 25, 2008

It’s been more than 25 years since audiences everywhere were treated to their first glimpse of the man… the legend… the invincible killing machine… John J. Rambo. Since then, we’ve all seen our fair share of action movies. I know I have. But seeing Rambo up on the big screen, where he belongs, one last (?) time made this so much more than your average action movie. It was nostalgic. It was exciting. And holy christ, was it violent. But does Rambo still have what it takes? You’re damn right he does.

The movie starts with some very disturbing footage that really sets the mood for the rest of the film. These aren’t Hollywood special effects at work here… there’s nothing like a good dose of reality to remind you what a fucked up place the world is. It gives us a good understanding of what is going on in Burma, the country this movie takes place. We then get a glimpse of the movie’s antagonist, Major Pa Tee Tint, a real sadistic piece of shit who’s idea of a fun weekend is playing a live action version of Minesweeper with Burmese villagers. Is there anyone that can stop this maniac? Of course there is… John J. – fucking – Rambo.

Rambo doesn’t want to fight; in fact, while bitter as hell, he seems to like his peaceful little existence… he’s had enough of war. But, as always, he’s called in to save the day when some religious hippies get their asses in a bind. Now, I won’t get too deep in the plot of the movie (since it’s not even up to my ankles), but I will mention it involves Rambo and a group of ragtag mercenaries going to get the hippies out of harms way.

Now, walking into this movie, I knew what I would be expecting. Or, at least, I thought I did. I’d seen the redband trailer… I’d seen the guy on the back of the truck with the .50 cal get his head lopped off and then Rambo turn the driver into ground chuck. I’d seen Rambo rip a dude’s throat out with his bare hands. But I had no idea that those scenes were just the tip of the (bloody) iceberg. This movie is insanely violent. Heads vaporizing off necks, arms and legs being shredded off with gunfire, children being thrown into fires and shot at point blank, people exploding into clouds of blood, hair, and meat. Remember that scene from “Saving Private Ryan” when the guy didn’t get that sticky bomb on the tank fast enough and everyone in the theater cringed? Well, you see that in “Rambo” about 3 dozen times. Is this over the top? Maybe. Is it realistic. Yeah. War fucking sucks, and I think Stallone captured that pretty well.

The acting is, at times, pretty horrible. The dialog sounds contrived, as if half the time these people are reading off cue cards. However, Stallone is good as the quiet, calculating badass, and though he’s getting up there in age, Rambo is still an action hero to gape in awe at. Any scene involving Rambo holding a bow in one hand and an arrow in the other is sure to please any hardcore action fan. And I was very pleased to find that, to me, many elements of the movie felt very reminiscent of “First Blood” (which is still my favorite of the series). Just watch to the end and tell me you don’t see it yourself.

I’d like to take a minute here to mention that these movies have the most fucked up naming scheme of any movie franchise (aside from maybe Die Hard). “First Blood”. “First Blood Part II: Rambo”. “Rambo III”. “Rambo.” …. what. the. hell. Either way, this is probably the most intense Rambo movie of the bunch, and is sure to please.

So get a ticket, get some popcorn, put on your plastic parka and enjoy the show… in all of it’s gory glory.