Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Malin Akerman, Matthew Goode
Released: March 6, 2009

When it comes to comic book royalty, nothing can surpass Alan Moore & David Gibbons’ 1986 masterpiece Watchmen. As the quintessential graphic novel to fans and critics worldwide, it’s been in print for more than 20 years, and is the only comic book to appear on Time Magazine’s list of “the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to the present”. Watchmen fans are hardcore. The are dedicated, bordering on obsessed. And when they heard that Zack Snyder, the man behind the 2004 ‘Dawn of the Dead’ remake and 2006′s grandiose ’300′, was going to make a film based on their beloved classic, there was an almost equal mix of intense excitement and apprehension. Could Snyder take Moore & Gibbon’s dark, twisted tale of murder, suspense & humanity and translate it to the big screen?

On March 6th, we all found out… continue reading to see my enormously long take on the issue.

I’ll freely admit that I’m not as seasoned a Watchmen fan as many out there are. I had been in the comic book scene when I was in my early teens, but I was never that into it, and it’s been a while since I’ve slid an issue across the checkout counter at a comic shop. Even though I feel I’m fairly out of touch with the comic book world, I knew what Watchmen was. I’d heard of it. I’d seen it on shelves and heard mention of it for years. A yellow smiley face splashed with a single drop of blood is an iconic image, and not one you soon forget. So when I first heard that we’d be treated to a film based on this acclaimed selection of comic literature, I was excited. When I first saw the incredible IMAX trailer before The Dark Knight, I was ecstatic. And when I finally got to the last page of issue 12 of this amazing series, I was practically shaking with anticipation.

For those who have never read it or simply need a refresher, Watchmen takes place in an alternate version of 1985… a year in which costumed heroes have been outlawed and the world sits on the brink of destruction as the U.S.S.R and the U.S. prepare for an almost certain nuclear war. The death of one of their own brings a former team of masked vigilantes together once again to investigate. Who was the murderer and for what purpose? Why does it appear someone is targeting masked heroes? As the mystery unravels, a larger, much more sinister plot is revealed…

Now if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want me to ruin the surprises for you, then get the hell out of here now. Ahead thar be spoilers!

I won’t delve too deeply into explaining who the characters are, since chances are, if you’re continuing to read, you’ve either seen the movie or read the graphic novel. I want to start off by saying I loved this movie. I thought it was excellent. It’s visually stunning and the plot is, of course, amazing. I feel like this is a superhero movie with depth… with actual story! And unfortunately I think that’s why so many people just aren’t getting it. Movie and TV audiences these days are, for the most part, lazy sons of bitches. They want everything spoon fed to them. They saw a trailer that showed a bunch of superheroes fighting / shooting / disintegrating Charlies and they’re not expecting what they get when they buy their ticket and take their seat. Yes this movie has action. But it also has a story to tell. And I think Zack Snyder was able to adapt that story from the printed page to the moving image superbly.

From the moment I saw the opening scene with Blake’s battle with his shrouded murderer and the outstanding opening credits, I knew I was in for something special. This movie is gorgeous, the opening credits especially so. The slowmotion montage showing the rise and fall of the Minutemen & Crimebusters (as they’re called in the novel) throughout the 40′s to the present day 80′s was an excellent way to show a good deal of backstory without having to revert to flashbacks or dialog. I also loved the use of the ‘Fringe’-style text throughout the credits… if you’ve seen the show, you know what I mean. In the opening scene you get to know our heroes and their history. It doesn’t take much more than seeing The Comedian blow the side of JFK’s head off for us to realize what kind of man he is.

For the most part, Snyder’s choices for who should play these character was first-rate. Rorschach and The Comedian were both played to perfection by Jackie Earle Haley and Jeffrey Dean Morgan respectively. Both these characters are incredibly dark and gritty and seeing them onscreen delivering their classic lines with actual emotion and reflection was marvelous. Stealing the show of course was Rorschach… from his journal narrations to any other time he was on screen, you just couldn’t help but love that psychotic little fuck. If you’d like to know why he is the most loved out of all of the characters in the book, simply watch his prison scenes. No further explanation needed.

Patrick Wilson plays a spot-on Dan Dreiberg… his performance spoke to my inner awkward nerd. And then of course, as his alter ego Nite Owl II, he’s a complete badass… and rightly so. From his awesome gadgets (Owl Ship anyone?) to his knack for breaking limbs in a matter suitable for a future 3D release of the film, he’s an asskicking machine. Billy Crudup plays a pretty good Jon Osterman, though it’s hard for me to tell if he was good as Dr. Manhattan or just exceptional work on the CGI team’s part. His vocal performance was acceptable, though I always envisioned the good Doctor as having a deeper, more commanding voice. Then rounding out the cast, Matthew Goode plays the slightly too-obvious antagonist Adrian Veidt (aka Ozymandias) quite well while Malin Akerman was merely acceptable as Laurie Jupiter (aka Silk Spectre II). Simply put, I found her acting a little stiff*.

The way Snyder was able to translate the majority of the book to film was amazing. A good deal of the dialog felt like it was read directly from the comic pages themselves. Sure, some of the events were moved around or changed and scenes were trimmed, but that’s understandable considering no studio in their right mind would release a 5 hour movie… though I think many of the diehard fans would have no problem sitting through it. The scenes with Rorschach interrogating Moloch were combined, Rorschach’s execution of the child murderer was slightly changed and we didn’t get to witness the unfortunate demise of Hollis Mason. Additionally, many scenes not pertaining to the core group of characters were shortened or eliminated. While it was sad to see some of the scenes go, I understood why it needed to be done. The story needed to be trimmed. Luckily, around June we’ll have a Director’s Cut of the film with some of these side stories back where they belong… and I for one can’t wait to see it.

And now we get to what seems to be the most talked about element of the film… it’s conclusion. I knew long before opening night that the writers had changed the end of this epic tale. I’m happy to say that, though a great many Watchmen fans may disagree with me wholeheartedly, I actually think the ending of the movie is better. I know, I know, how can I say such a thing?! “The great Alan Moore wrote it that way, and that’s the way we should have kept it,” they’ll scream at me. Well, sorry people, but sometimes Alan Moore is wrong… and batshit crazy it seems. I always felt the end of the graphic novel was a little too weird… too out of left field. Yes, even for a comic about a bright blue god-like man flying around Mars on a giant crystal palace. This new ending keeps the same elements of the original but trades a telepathic-pulse-emitting, faux-alien squid creature for our very own Dr. Manhattan. Having this event happen worldwide and from a threat every man on the planet can understand and fear makes far more sense than having a single creature appear in New York City alone. The inhuman all-powerful Dr. Manhattan they can understand… the scary space monster they cannot. And the same goes for movie audiences. Lucky for us, Snyder understood this and made the needed changes.

Now, I may have loved this film, but that doesn’t mean I thought it was without faults. I can admit when something just doesn’t seem right, and I saw plenty of elements in Watchmen that fit into that category. While I loved the use of Bob Dylan’s song “The Times They Are A Changin’” during the opening credits, I could have done without the use of the majority of the other music selections throughout the film. Nena’s “99 Luftballoons” felt horribly out of place, and the use of “Ride of the Valkyries” during Dr. Manhattan’s large and in charge stroll through Vietnam felt corny as hell. That scene could have had so much more weight if instead of making me laugh it made me gape in awe as I felt I should have been. The director’s choice in music for that scene had a huge part in that. I also I felt the acting to be stiff and unnatural at times, especially when it came to Silk Spectre and her mother, Sally Jupiter. However, I feel those are minor complaints compared to the number of praises I have for this film.

Overall, I feel Zack Snyder did Watchmen freaks and movie fans alike an incredible service by translating this classic graphic novel to the screen. It’s a huge, epic tale that requires huge, epic visuals and few directors are able to deliver as stylishly as Snyder. I’ve seen this movie twice already and I’m sure I have several more viewings in me before I’m through. I’d highly recommend you check it out for yourself if you haven’t already. And for the love of Jebus, pick up the graphic novel and give it a read. There’s a lot more to the world of the Watchmen than could ever be adapted for the screen. Sure, you’ll have to use your brain and decode the lines and words on the page yourself, but you’ll do fine. Don’t be scared, you’ll like it. I promise.

And fiiiiinally… no, the repetitive shots of Dr. M’s blue wanger didn’t bother me. At all. Get over it people, it’s basic human anatomy for fuck’s sake.