Now, I’d like to start by saying that I can see why many people have such contempt toward the iPhone… it’s expensive, seemingly pointless to some people, and iPhone owners such as myself are often portrayed as royal douchebags that like to flaunt around their pricey gadgetry like it’s an extension of their cock. In fact, often times when I take it out to check the time or see if I received any calls I’m either told to put away my iPenis or ToolPhone. But you know what? FUCK ‘EM. This thing is damn useful.

For one, I suck at remembering dates. I just can’t do it. The part of my brain used to store that kind of information was long ago filled with more valuable knowledge, such as the lyrics to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song or which Stephen King novels contain Dark Tower references. So once I purchased a device that let me carry around a list of all the shit I needed to do in the coming weeks right in my pocket, life became much easier. “Well, other phones have calendars as well,” some dicks may say… yeah, well those are a pain in my ass to update. Which leads me to my second point:

The keyboard. It’s incredibly intuitive and easy to use after only a few minutes of use. And best of all it’s a hell of a lot faster to use than a cell phone keypad, which just plain sucks. Using the number keys to type anything is a pain in the ass and takes far more time and effort than any text message warrants. I have visions of my sister fervently typing across the digits of her cell for five goddamn minutes to send a one sentence message. I mean, shit, this is the reason why people bitch about text messages and just say to call if you want to talk. And sure I could get a clunky Blackberry, but then I may be inclined to connect the thing to my work’s Exchange server. Yeah, I really want to see work e-mails on the weekend. No thanks. Plus those keyboards have such tiny buttons you practically have to shape your fingers in an electric pencil sharpener so you don’t end up mashing multiple letters at once. I feel like fat Homer Simpson using those things. “We’re sorry, your fingers are too fat. Please punch the fuck out of the front of the cell phone to receive a dialing stick.”

And then there’s the fact that my phone has roughly a dozen apps, built-in or downloaded, that I use on a daily basis. Oh, I you want to add a Last.fm MobileScrobbler app to update your Last.fm account with the tunes your currently listening to? No problem. You want to install a Shopping List app so you can keep track of all the shit you have to overpay for at Meijer tonight? Sure. You want to be able to quickly and easily update your Twitter stream while on the go… oh, with photos and geo-location too? Here’s Twinkle, have fun. Would you like Google Maps so you don’t get your fucking ass lost (since your direction skills are just as phenomenal as your date remembrance ones)? How about Mobile YouTube so you’re only seconds aways from ten-thousand videos of bro-dudes lighting themselves ablaze with flaming shots? Safari so you can check out today’s Toothpaste for Dinner and Married to the Sea while taking your morning dump? How about a calculator, unit converter, camera, timer, & alarm? Here… go nuts.

With a huge community of developers making new programs to let you interact and communicate with practically everyone and everything in the world, the iPhone is becoming quite the powerful little tool for everyday geek life. And with the release of the 2.0 firmware and launch of the AppStore coming on July 11th, jailbreaking may just be a thing of the past and everyone will be able enjoy these kind of applications and more right out of the box.

With the release of much cheaper iPhone 3G just weeks away as well, I have the feeling that I’ll be seeing more and more iPhone users in the wild in coming years. Then maybe I can take it out of my pocket without someone being a smartass…