Written & Directed by: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer (aka the same assholes that made Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, Date Movie, and all those damn Scary Movies)
Starring: Carmen Elektra (no way!) and some other people
Release Date: August 29, 2008

GOD DAMN IT. Why, oh why, can’t these assholes stop making these astoundingly horrendous movies? They ceased being even remotely funny roughly six or seven years ago. Sure, I’ll admit I enjoyed the first two Scary Movies. They were surprisingly funny at times, and overall had a pretty damn good cast. Any movie featuring David Cross and Tim Curry deserves a watch. But once Scary Movie 3 came around, it’s like they just started grabbing random pieces of any current box office hit, converted them to the most mindnumbingly idiotic satire imaginable, and aimlessly threw them together on film.

I mean, aren’t they supposed to be making fun of the overall genre that the movie is named after? Jesus… aside from a single Hannah Montana-crushing meteor scene (which made me cringe with the utmost disgust), this so-called Disaster Movie contains no real mention of any actual goddamn disaster movies! What were they thinking? Well, here’s my interpretation of what must have been going on behind the scenes:

“Alright guys, we need to make a flick that spoofs disaster movies like Day After Tomorrow and Armageddon. Where to start, where to start… I know! A guy in a Dollar General Iron Man costume being crushed by a cow! HAHA! How about the chick from Enchanted getting smashed by a speeding car! Excellent! And then the Hulk’s giant dork ripping apart his pants! Now, that’s funny! Oh, and Hancock hitting his head on a lamppost! Fucking Ingenious!! What do you think about this… the cast of Sex and the City represented by dudes in drag? Awesome idea? Yeah I thought so too! And then… ummm… Juno. Okay, cool. Hey, let’s throw a Don’t Mess With the Zohan reference in there too for no fucking reason. Awesome. Alright, all set. Now, we need some movie poster ideas. Let me hear ‘em! Indiana Jones? Good, good, what else? The Simpsons! Great! A bunch of flaming space sperm fertilizing the earth? Makes sense to me! Alright, awesome. Did we forget anything? Oh yeah, THE FUCKING DISASTER MOVIE REFERENCES!”

This movie looks like pure shit compressed and converted to celluloid. I wish I could rate this negative stars.

Now, enjoy the trailer!