Directed by: John Moore
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges & Chris O’Donnell
Release Date: October 17, 2008

Face it, Wahlberg is always at his best when he’s playing the badass. Four Brothers, The Departed, We Own the Night, Shooter, The Italian Job, Fear… the list goes on. I’m extremely glad to see his only performance in 2008 won’t be his horrendous bout as nice-guy science teach, Elliot Moore, in The Happening. Max Payne looks to be just the thing to restore my faith in Marky Mark’s ability to kick some ass and act at a level higher than a junior high drama student.

Based on the video game series, Max Payne will follow DEA Agent, Max Payne (played by Mark Wahlberg of course) as he tries to solve a series of murders in New York City while unraveling the conspiracy behind the death of his family. Helping him along the way is assassin Mona Sax (Mila Kunis) who’s on a mission to avenge her sister’s death… all while being hunted by the police, the mob, and a ruthless corporation (thanks IMDB!). Expect a gratuitous multitude of blazing guns, slow motion explosions, trippy drug-induced hallucinations, and a dash of mystery and suspense to round out that “plot” thing people are always talking about. Hell, it sounds like a good time to me.

I’m a huge theater buff. Even with a few shitty experiences here and there throughout the years, I still love going to the movie theater to enjoy a good flick with a crowd of interesting and often strange individuals (oh, and some friends too I suppose). A good comedy just seems so much funnier when you can laugh at it with a darkened room full of complete strangers, and the excitement and suspense of a good adventure flick simply feels heightened when you can oogle everything on a seventy-foot screen. So, let’s just say I spend many of my Friday nights enjoying the smell of popcorn and the bright glow of a movie screen.

This leads me to the main point of my little story here. I go to a ton of movies… and out of a somewhat compulsive habit, I’ve never purposefully thrown away a movie ticket stub. I save them… all of them. And I’ve been doing this for nearly 11 years. Now, some may say that this is an insane thing to do. “Why would you save those?” these visionless people would say. “What will you do with them? What’s the point?” Well, this weekend I realized exactly what the point of my strange addiction is.

I’m currently working to compile a list containing the name, date, time and price of every movie ticket in my collection? Why, you ask? To find out exactly how much of my hard-earned money I’ve spent on the theater in the last decade, of course! Not to mention plot the increase of ticket prices over the last 11 years or so using real world data and oh so much more!

So check back soon for an interesting look into where much of my monthly paycheck goes! And if I’m not the only one with this ticket-packrat mentality, feel free to let me know in the comments.

EDIT (07-10-08): I’ve decided to add runtimes for each movie as well (as listed by IMDB) to see how much time I’ve spent in a theater absorbing the warm, soothing glow of a movie screen.

UPDATE (07-12-08): My list has been completed and I’ll be posting the results shortly!

UPDATE (07-24-08): Holy shit, the results have been posted! Check ‘em out here.

Written & Directed by: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer (aka the same assholes that made Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, Date Movie, and all those damn Scary Movies)
Starring: Carmen Elektra (no way!) and some other people
Release Date: August 29, 2008

GOD DAMN IT. Why, oh why, can’t these assholes stop making these astoundingly horrendous movies? They ceased being even remotely funny roughly six or seven years ago. Sure, I’ll admit I enjoyed the first two Scary Movies. They were surprisingly funny at times, and overall had a pretty damn good cast. Any movie featuring David Cross and Tim Curry deserves a watch. But once Scary Movie 3 came around, it’s like they just started grabbing random pieces of any current box office hit, converted them to the most mindnumbingly idiotic satire imaginable, and aimlessly threw them together on film.

I don’t know how many (out of the 3) of you have seen Peter Jackson’s “Dead Alive” (aka “Braindead”)… but if it isn’t all of you, someone deserves a severe beating. It is, by far, one of the most glorious, low budget, over-the-top, zombie gorefests ever captured on film. While watching Lionel shred the faces off a dozen undead kiwis with a lawnmower, you can’t help but think to yourself, “This is by the guy that did Lord of the Rings??”. Yes. It is. And it is amazing.

Well, I think there may be a future release that’ll be giving “Dead Alive” a run for it’s money in my book: “Poultrygeist“. This movie sounds and looks so over-the-top and stupid it just has to be good. Check out this synopsis:

“When the American Chicken Bunker, a military-themed fried-chicken chain, builds a restaurant on the site of an ancient Indian burial ground, local protesters aren’t the only ones crying fowl! The previous tenants, fueled by a supernatural force, take “possession” of the food and those who eat it, and the survivors discover that they must band together before they themselves become the other white meat!”