On the newest episode of KATGtv, Keith Malley of Keith and the Girl podcast fame, shows us all the dos and don’ts of taking care of a newborn baby. According to episode 866 of Keith and the Girl, entitled “Watch Your Kids”, the idea stemmed from an educational video shown to new parents at hospitals. This video warning these poor, brainless parents of the dangers (and all-around idiocy) of shaking a newborn. Keith felt this video could use a few more precautions for the stupid, stupid people that are somehow allowed to continue to breed. Click the play button below to get your education for the day:

I’m saddened to learn it’s not proper to shoot babies with crossbows. If only I’d known sooner…
If you haven’t already, get your ass to the official KATG website or iTunes and subscribe to the Keith and the Girl podcast. It’ll be the best free you’ve ever spent.

Keith and the Girl: Official Website

One less year to 2012… yeah, party it up suckers! As the last HMG post of 2008, I’ll leave you all with this raucous version of the New Year’s classic “Auld Lang Syne” as performed by Girlschool. Enjoy!

Here we have a candid look into the every day goings-on of your average corpsepaint slathered metalhead, Todd. What better way to display your inner anguish while pinching a fresh loaf of split-bottom wheat than to smear monochromatic makeup all over the front of your greasy dome? I propose there is none!

For those wishing to outwardly represent your inner demons properly, please refer to this helpful article. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

For those wishing to see more ha-has, visit superpoop.com or Drew’s other daily webcomics toothpastefordinner.com & marriedtothesea.com.

You have the weekend free you say? No one returning your phone calls? Well, here’s an idea: sit down and create a huge flowchart showcasing some of the most (and least) well-known names in heavy metal history. Need to come up with a moniker for your older brother’s new garage band under threat of a “wicked bad beatdown”? Well, hopefully this will help out a bit. Click the image for a much… MUCH… embiggened version.

Compliments to metalsucks.com for swiping it from comicvsaudience.net. Good show, sir.

Heavy Metal Santa and your very own Skizzbot wish you all a Heavy Fucking Metal Christmas!

I’ll be back to this whole website nonsense after the extended weekend with the family. The plan is to do all the things X-Mas is about… getting way drunk and jolly & eating to excess. Sounds like a damn good time to me.

Everyone keep those devilhorns held high… if you really must listen to Christmas music, make it Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

And yes, Heavy Metal Santa will be putting that pair of tits under my tree this year.

One of the exponentially lessening reasons to keep HBO’s +$12.00 line on my monthly cable bill is the hilariously absurd “Flight of the Conchords“. If you were unlucky (or soulless) enough to have missed the first season of this television program, well, you need to get on that before I bicycle kick your worthless ass Ryu-style toward the nearest DVD outlet. Additionally, and somewhat more on topic, I’m sure you weren’t nearly as excited as I was to hear that FunnyorDie.com would be giving an exclusive sneak peek at the second season premier… an entire freaking month before it hits the Home Box Office on January 18th!

From December 17th to December 21st, Funny or Die will be giving us our first look at the ongoing saga that is Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie (who’s disembodied floating domes grace the photo above respectively). Enjoy the Kiwi musical duo trying to make it big in New York with their eclectic blend of “guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk” as their now-bigtime manager comes crashing back to reality… in usual Murray fashion.

Hit it while you can… continue on to see the video: