I’d just like to give a big “Happy Fucking Halloween” shoutout to every unlucky soul that happens to blindly stumble onto my website! In honor of our yearly celebration of death, horror and all that is ghoulish, take 10 minutes out of your day of debauchery to watch every murder committed by that wily rascal Michael Myers. After you’re done with that, slide into your skanky costumes, drink ’til you can’t feel feelings anymore and O.D. on candy corn! Oh, such glorious times!

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the post you are now reading is designed to dull your senses to THE TRUTH. do not live the life of the worker bee, the cog, the well-oiled piston in the MACHINE OF DECEIT!

there is a grand CONSPIRACY afoot. you have been taught to believe that you are UNIQUE, one of a kind. THIS IS NOT TRUE. long ago, a cabal of scientists created technologies to ensure that ANYONE’S MIND AND BODY can be duplicated.

human cloning isn’t NEAR. it’s already HERE. discover the truth at http://JCHutchins.net

you are being DECEIVED. break free from the cogs, flee the hive, become A PROPHET OF THE TRUTH!

kilroy2.0 was here … kilroy2.0 is everywhere

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7th Son: Descent
Written By: J.C. Hutchins
Print Date: October 27th, 2009
Promo MP3: Yeah, click play on that little thing down there. Come on, do it. DO IT.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

From the jacket copy: As America reels from the bizarre presidential assassination committed by a child, seven men are abducted from their normal lives and delivered to a secret government facility. Each man has his own career, his own specialty. All are identical in appearance. The seven strangers were grown — unwitting human clones — as part of a project called 7th Son.

I know it may blow your mind, but from time to time I read shit that’s actually printed on physical material. Yeah, like paper. And ink. You know… books? And there’s one book I’m looking forward to getting my stubby sausage fingers on later this month, and that’s “7th Son: Descent” by J.C. Hutchins. What started as a serialized podcast back in 2006, “7th Son” is finally getting the treatment it deserves thanks to St. Martin’s Press and the thousands of devout Hutchin’s followers who have been eating up the audio version of this story for years. And when it comes to “7th Son”, J.C. ain’t fucking around. Not only is he giving the masses the gift of his words in glorious print form, he’s also releasing new audio podcast and PDF versions of the novel for free on his website and BoingBoing.net. Holy hell! Now if you don’t read at least some of it, you’re just a lazy, unappreciative fuck.

Until I’m able to completely cleanse my system of the Hooburito induced grease that’s been oozing from my pores since this weekend, the only person I want to hear the dreaded “H” word from is Frazzles the Channel 101 Squirrel.

If anyone who frequents HMG hasn’t seen the amazing TV show created by The Lonely Island (aka Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg… aka those responsible for the only redeeming content from SNL in the last decade), you need to asap. That show is called “The ‘Bu”. As in Malibu. But shorter. Since that’s how the kids are talking these days I guess.

In 3-D! Holy hell, watch it now!!

TOTALLY AWWWESOME!

Late Friday night while on our return trip from a Detroit Tigers game, my sister, G3 and I hit up Denny’s. Nothing new there… it’s become customary to stop at the Belleville Denny’s while on a late night ride home from the D. This visit was different however. For this time, my face was rocked the fuck off by a meal created by most extreme… most hardcore… most incredibly talented musicians of our time: Hoobastank! That’s right, I had the honor of feasting on the mighty HOOBURRITO! Yes, Hoobastank has their own burrito meal at Denny’s. They’ve finally hit the bigtime. How exciting.

Alright, since sarcasm isn’t an easy thing to pick up when reading, I’ll stop with the bullshit now: this thing fucking sucked. While reading the description, I was intrigued to try this condensed and tightly wrapped blend of chicken, fried onions and bbq sauce. The experience of eating this overcooked greasepile however, was far from enjoyable. Every element of this meal made me feel like I needed to take a shower… I could feel my pores filling up and arteries clogging with every wet, burnt bite from the deep fried innards of the semi-transparent soft shell.

Served with tortilla chips! Get your’s today!

What incredibly huge fucking tools.

It sure is fun trying to defend the fact that I’m an atheist to both my mother and sister while they tell me how I’ll be changing my ways when I’m on my deathbed praying I don’t go to Hell. Hmm, they obviously don’t understand the concept of not believing in Hell, thus not being frightened of it in the least. We atheists and our craaaazy ideas. What, their religious beliefs? Oh sure, those make perfect sense.