Google Analytics is one of the best tools to see how visitors make their way to your website, where they go once they’re there, and how long they stay. I’ve been a huge fan of this free Google service for years now, and I of course have it running on this website.

While looking through my Analytics stats for the past month and a half, I noticed a very odd source of traffic. Well, not so much the source itself, but rather the means to which people would find their way to Heavy Metal Geek via that source. Since the beginning of the year, my top keyword by far for search engine traffic has been “Angel Queef“. That’s right… fucking “Angel Queef”…

This term originates from a single tag on the post I made on December 29th of this past year which featured an extensive, well thought-out, and very detailed metal flowchart. One of the band names featured under the Religion / Angels category was Angel Queef… which after noticing, confused the hell out of me. Who in the blue fuck is Angel Queef?

After some extensive searching on Google as well as the ever-useful Encyclopedia Metallum and Metal Storm websites, I found absolutely no information about any band, past or present, by that name. Currently, any Google search of the term “Angel Queef” only brings up forum posts by dumbfounded and intrigued metalheads along with a blatantly fake MySpace page promoting the “legendary hard rock act, which built a large following in the late 1980s before finding more mainstream success in the ’90s, endured inter-band squabbles, animal/substance abuse, and the tragic death of drummer, Sloth (aka Flan) who was lost while attempting to drive a tour bus over 13 school buses (which would have been a new world-tour-bus-stunt record had the stunt been recorded and/or premeditated).” Oh, and you’ll find Heavy Metal Geek as either the second or third search result, depending on if you use quotes or not (though that may change after this gets posted).

My guess is this band either never existed or was so obscure and unknown that no one has ever bothered to create any reference of them on the tubes… except of course for whatever son of bitch over at www.comicvsaudience.net felt they deserved a place on their heavy metal flowchart. Hell, maybe they just needed to fill space on the chart and figured no one would notice.

With all the undue attention this is getting, there’s only one thing I know for sure… I need to start a band with that name posthaste! Who’s with me? I call keytar!