Dark Tranquillity – “Therein”
From the album: Projector

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Why this song doesn’t suck:
When most metal fans hear the term “Gothenberg Metal”, coined after the Swedish city where the subgenre originated, Dark Tranquillity is usually near the top of the list of bands that are brought to mind. Since 1993 and continuing even today, Dark Tranquillity has been leading the pack when it comes to the distinctive Gothenberg sound. From using more melodic guitar riffs and solos to more diverse and varied song structures, the bands of Gothenberg, Sweden laid the groundwork for the melodic death metal genre as it’s known today. Along with At the Gates and In Flames (before their music turned to pure, unfiltered shit once the 21st century hit), Dark Tranquillity are the pioneers of what is probably my favorite genre of all of music, and their 1999 album, Projector, shows just why that is.

Television programs have come a far, far way over the last several years. Premium channels like HBO and Showtime have paved the way for some of the finest, most original, and most entertaining television to ever grace a cathode ray tube or LCD pixel. Dexter, Six Feet Under, Oz, Carnivale, Californication, The Sopranos… my god, the list goes on for miles. Even stations like ABC, NBC and CBS have jumped on board and offered some amazing programming as of late. Though we still have to deal with a gag-inducing overabundance of so-called “reality” television, for every “Bachelorette” and “American Idol” there is a “Lost”, “Life on Mars” or “Fringe” balancing out the spectrum.

However, for those like myself that are looking to get rid of their heinously enormous cable television bills, we must find ways to enjoy this content without breaking the bank and not limiting ourselves to watching everything on Hulu. One of the most obvious ways to do so is by using a neat-o little thing called Bit Torrent. But when you’re as freaking lazy as I am, how the hell do you keep track of what shows are on when, which is the newest episode and which sites offer the best seeded files? Jesus, I can’t be sitting around doing searches all day! How do you get this done without it cutting into my beloved pr0n watching time?

The Torrent Episode Downloader (ted), that’s how. The concept is simple… and the overall execution is simply awesome. A single program that keeps track of the shows you want to download on a regular basis, and does the tedious torrent searching so you don’t have to.

In honor of  the final episode of Late Night with Conan O’Brien last night, I thought I’d post one of the greatest comedy clips ever to grace a television screen. Since as long as I can remember, my very favorite Conan moment has been the now-classic 1864 Old Time Baseball segment. From Conan’s awkward interactions with the way-too-into-her-part maiden, Nell, to Conan sporting a truly manly ’stache / chops combo, this clip perfectly sums up exactly what I love about this show.

“Thanks for the cool breeze! It was most cooling on my mustache!” I was excited as hell to see Conan announce this as his personal favorite segment and give it some airtime on his final episode last night. I’m also excited as hell to see what he’ll bring to the Tonight Show starting June 1st. Until then, I’ll have to get my daily dose of vomiting puppets and self-pleasuring bears on the interwebz.

As reported by Blabbermouth.net, 34-year-old Miika Tenkula, former guitarist and main songwriter of Finland’s Sentenced, was found dead in his home yesterday morning (Thursday, February 19th). As of today, the official cause of Miika’s death hasn’t been released, but it’s well known that he had a serious drinking problem that only got worse when Sentenced disbanded in late 2005.

This news really bummed me the hell out. Sentenced’s 2002 album “The Cold White Light” along with their earlier, heavier offerings, have been some of my favorites for a long time now. It’s all very melancholy and dark, but catchy as hell nonetheless. I was always hoping for the off-chance there would be a reunion and/or new album as I’d love to see them live and in person, though the chances of that happening now looks to be just about nil. I suppose the closest I’ll ever get will be the band’s 2006 live album, Buried Alive, which beautifully captures Sentenced’s final farewell performance in all its headbanging glory.

Check out the video after the jump to see Sentenced playing the badass track “May Today Become the Day” at their very last live performance in Oulu, Finland on October 1, 2005…

Written and directed by both Zach Cregger & Trevor Moore of “The Whitest Kids You Know” fame, ‘Miss March‘ looks to be a genuinely hilarious sex-centric comedy. With “The Office”’s Craig Robinson on board as a rapper named Horsedick Dot Mpeg and what will surely be gratuitous amounts of nudity and lesbian sex, the is almost guaranteed to be the Best Picture winner for 2010. That’s right Academy… start polishing up those Oscars! I nominate Trevor as Best Actor for his reaction to the unfortunate tour bus incident.

Goddamn, I can’t wait to see this when it hits the big screen March 13th. Enjoy much swearings, cunnilingual lockpicking and drunk dudes in banana-viking helms in the R-rated redband trailer below:

More Movie Info: IMDB.com

While I’ve grown pretty accustomed to the standard death growl vocal delivery used in bands like Amon Amarth, Arsis, Kataklysm and Hypocrisy, I have never… never… been able to make out the lyrics for tha vast majority of the songs by death metal giants Cannibal Corpse. Fellow blogster Nyck and I have had an ongoing joke about this for a long while, after we read through the band’s page on Dark Lyrics one wasteful afternoon at the office. Hell, most of the song titles are comedy gold in themselves… as long as you have a twisted sense of humor like we do.

I understand these lyrics, like horror movies, are meant to be completely over the top, cringe-worthy entertainment, and I really have no problem with that. Especially when they’re sung by fake Australian lounge singer,  Andrew Hansen, who, in this performance, is cringe-worthy in his own right. Enjoy!

Now, why have I never heard Richard Cheese do a cover like this? A Heavy Metal Thanks goes out to Travis for giving me the heads-up on this. It looks like it’s been online for ages… I have no clue how I’ve missed it this long.