Never in my most wonderful of dreams did I imagine a movie would be able to top the excessive violence and utterly laughable amount of gore contained within ‘The Machine Girl‘. Well, it appears we have a new heir to the throne of the supreme Japanese goreflick… and judging from the trailer, I don’t think any Machine Girl fan will be disappointed in the least. This movie is called ‘Tokyo Gore Police‘, and it will kick your fucking teeth in right before cutting your face clean off with it’s superfluous uncensored awesomeness.

Set in futuristic Tokyo, the film’s story follows Ruka, a sword-wielding police officer, as she battles hideous mutants known as “Engineers” who are able to transform their bodies into virulent weapons. Oh, hell yes. From the looks of the trailer, we’ll be treated to a number of these freakish “Engineers”, from a revolting snailgirl to a blade-limbed breakdancer and a chick with a T-Rex vagina. Come on… what else could you ask for in a movie aside from a chick with a monstrous, carnivorous head for a lower body? Oh, 10,000 gallons of fake blood, you say? Well, holy hell, you’re in luck! It doesn’t look like that will pose much of a problem as the trailer alone is bloodier than most full-length films.

‘Tokyo Gore Police‘ has been shown at a number of conventions over the past few months resulting in quite a few glowing reviews, and it will be hitting U.S. DVD shelves this October thanks to Media Blaster/Tokyo Shock, the same folks who brought us Machine Girl. Who’s up for a movie night this Halloween?

Check out the trailer below:

More info: ‘Tokyo Gore Police’ @ IMDB.com

I’ve been to a ton of metal concerts over the years… from giant stadium shows like Ozzfest and Metal Masters to concerts in small clubs and bars (which I actually prefer for the most part). In the course of my headbanging experiences, I’ve noticed a trend in who frequents a good number of these shows. Sure, the majority of people I see are your standard metalheads… black t-shirts, leather, tattoos, piercings and all… but then there are those exceptional people who seem to define the entire concert-going experience with their simple presence. Join me as I list out the top 7 of these people. Why 7, you ask? Because the number 10 is overrated. Plus it’s my website and I can do whatever I damn well please. Now, enjoy… and be sure to tell me in the comments if you’ve ever encountered any of these interesting and infuriating folks. If you have any additions for other concert regulars, be sure to let me know in the comments as well.

The “enjoy the taste of my hair” guy
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been stuck behind some guy with hair down to his lower back and the insatiable need to headbang nonstop. But not just headbang, oh no… a compete upper body bang that results in a rainbow arch of wet golden locks on a direct collision course with your face. I usually find myself thinking, “thanks man, I really wanted to know how to felt to be lashed in the eyes by a weedwacker made of hair.” Usually getting lodged behind this guy isn’t an enjoyable experience as it’s commonly accompanied with the overpowering smell of damp scalp and B.O. Other times, however, he can offer a cool breeze and the faint, pleasant smell of shampoo (depending on if he’d showered that day of course). It really is a toss-up, though the bad greatly outweighs the good qualities of standing behind this person.

The wasted “coming through” guy
Thanks, drunk guy… how did you know I was thinking I’d rather absorb this beer through the front of my shirt than through my mouth as I normally do. Drinking beer? Booooooring! I get so much more pleasure stinking of it as it soaks into my clothing. I’m also quite pleased you were able to see with your half-opened eyes that there was in fact a 2 inch gap between the person next to me and myself. Hell, that’s certainly more than enough room for you to charge through without so much as saying a word.

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Jason Statham, Ian McShane, Joan Allen, Tyrese Gibson, Natalie Martinez
Released: August 22, 2008

With never seeing the David Carradine & Sly Stallone version from the 70’s, I went into seeing ‘Death Race’ with absolutely zero preconceptions, and honestly, expectations. This Summer has been filled with numerous movie premiers where I couldn’t wait for Friday to get here soon enough. This simply wasn’t one of them… it was more along the lines of the fact that it was Friday night, I had nothing better to do, and I had a craving for theater popcorn. But somehow, amazingly, I found this movie to be strangely entertaining. In fact, I’ll go so far as saying it was a damn good action movie and if you like explosions, car crashes, and massive amounts of violence (and, admit it, who doesn’t), you’ll have a good time watching the carnage unfold on the screen.

Earlier today, legendary Bay Area thrashers Metallica, unleashed the first single from their upcoming ‘Death Magnetic’ album, entitled “The Day That Never Comes”. I’ve listened to this new tune nearly a dozen times this afternoon to really get a feel for it. I wanted the overall excitement of hearing a new Metallica song to wear off before posting a clearheaded review of it here. And I honestly have to say, even after repeated listens, this is an impressive song. With a slow, melodic, ballade-sque first half, I’m reminded slightly of classic Metallica songs such as “Welcome Home” and “Fade to Black”. Somewhat generic-sounding at first, I’ll admit, but the melody really is catchy… and once this track hits the five minute mark, things evolve into something any ‘tallica fan of old can appreciate.

Finally… goddamn finally… Metallica has returned to their thrashy roots. We’re treated to some truly inspired and interesting riffage… something I’ve been personally waiting for from James, Kirk and the boys for nearly a decade. Kirk lays on the lead guitar work pretty solidly through the solos, and things get mixed up quite a bit with some attention-keeping changups throughout. For the first time in a long time, I’m impressed.

Surprisingly, one of the largest concerns of this new album to many, the vocals, sound excellent. James’ voice is clean and strong, and the lack of “hey heeey heeeeeeys” or anything of the such gives me hope that ‘Death Magnetic’ may be something worth checking out after all. Luckily for us, gone are the tin can snare drums and subpar production of the despised St. Anger days. Although this is a lower-quality webstreaming version of the track, it’s easy to tell that some time and effort has been put into properly producing this album.

Now that you’ve read my take, crack a beer, raise the devil horns, and take a listen below:

UPDATE (08-21-08): Updated MP3 from 96kBit/s webstream version to high-quality 256kBit/s version. You’re welcome.

I recently upgraded my mobile music capacity by purchasing a new iPod. By replaced my 60GB iPod Video with the impressive new 160GB iPod Classic, I gained a newly polished and refined user interface, a metal front that won’t get scratched to hell, and the ability to haul my entire music collection in the tiny confines of my front pocket. While some people may argue that I had an entire 60 gigs to do so beforehand… I stand my ground in saying I like having the ability to listen to what I want, when I want. I’m a collector. I don’t do single tracks. If there’s a song on the radio you like, chances are there are half a dozen more on the album that are far superior, or hell, half a dozen other albums by that artist that completely outshine anything that the radio stations would care to play. And when you start collecting those albums, hard drive space tends to get filled very quickly.

Needless to say, I have a huge music collection… nearly 130GB and nearing 500 artists. Variety is key, and when it comes to the umbrella genres of metal and rock, there are numerous subgenres to pull from. I like the ability to pull from any of those subgenres whenever I feel the need to. However, it seems I may have been slightly hasty in dropping quite the pretty penny on a new gadget, when a simple application can provided the same convenience to anyone at no additional cost. As long as you own an iPhone or iPod Touch that is.

Kevin’s ongoing quest to clear his gambling debt continues as everyone’s favorite smooth-talker, Darryl, gives him a helping hand at the bank. But (surprise!) things don’t go as smoothly as planned. The first 20 seconds of this webisode does a pretty good job of summing up exactly why I love ‘The Office’ in all of it’s deadpan glory. I just hope Craig Robinson’s recent arrest for drug possession doesn’t keep Darryl out of the Dunder Mifflin warehouse this upcoming season…