Hey, it happens… what can you do?

Quaaaaaake ooonnn meeeeee… Quaaaaaake meeeeee ooonnn. I’ll be goooone, in a day or twooooooooo! Damn, I’d love to cave Morten Harket’s charcoal-sketched forehead in with a well-placed rocket. Maybe do battle with Chris Griffin. Oh, the possibilities!

In honor of my country’s 232nd Birthday, enjoy this video of a Danish fireworks factory explosion! Yeah, it destroyed 50 homes, damaged 750 more and killed a firefighter…. but, OooOOoo, the colors! Happy 4th!

Written, Produced, & Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo
Released: June 13, 2008

I was really looking forward to this flick the first time I set eyes on the movie poster. It had a very cryptic, creepy tone, and once I heard this was to be M. Night Shyamalan’s first R-Rated feature, I was downright giddy. But the more and more I saw the trailers and read exceprts from early reviews, I slowly started to get worried that this may not be the big return to form I was hoping for. Though many have been put off by his movies for years, I’ve greatly enjoyed all of Night’s flicks. Even with their we-know-it’s-coming twist endings and somewhat predictable storytelling at times, they’ve always felt well-written and, more importantly, well-acted to me. Well, that is… up until now. The Happening is a prime example of a good idea that is crushed into utter lifelessness by dull, listless directing and acting.

Holy hell, Frito-Lay needs to hire a new marketing team. If this is the best they can come up with, they really aren’t deserving of their paychecks.

Hey, how about we take some bro’s modeling photo and use cut-n-paste blackmagic to jam Cheetos up his nose! Then let’s make it look like he’s lovingly gazing at a cloud of cheese dust as it gently caresses his beefy arm. Genius! There’s nothing like a suggestive blend of interspecies love and mucus-covered corn snacks that makes me want to munch on a handful of those cheesy little bastards. I’m guessing they had to crop the photo above the waist so we wouldn’t be put off by this dude’s  orange dust-covered junk. Also, what is it with these designers taking headshots and photoshopping stuff into nostils?!

Click the photo to view the beautiful full-size version!