Do you know who Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are? Fuck… I’m sorry. Yeah, same here, but I sure as hell wish I didn’t. These are two of the FAKEST motherfuckers on the planet, and for some unknown reason, they are considered famous enough to warrant their own goddamn TV show. They’re two of the overprivelaged, spoiled cunts that reside on the lowest of all television stations (aside from Lifetime) MTV via their stupid-ass “reality” show, ‘The Hills’.

Now, I think I could do a pretty good job ragging on these two fucknuts, but my buddy Nyck already did a pretty damn good job at it already. Check out his take on these fucktards at Press the Nyck Button.

Directed by: Christopher Nolan
Starring: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman, tons more
Released: July 18, 2008

I’m a bit hesitant to do a review of ‘The Dark Knight‘, seeing as there are already thousands of them published at the moment, the vast majority saying the exact same thing: that it’s absolutely amazing. And let’s just say that I wouldn’t have seen it 4 times in 6 days if I didn’t think the same thing as well. I’ll do my best to keep this short and sweet, so you’ll have time to sprint directly to your nearest IMAX theater and see this outstanding film once you’re done reading.

‘The Dark Knight’ really is the best movie of the Summer… hell, the last 10 Summers. This movie takes the usual standard comic book material and raises it to a polished, gritty, gut-kicking level very few movies from more reputable sources are able to manage. There are so many excellent moments in this movie that picking any out as particularly better than any other is nearly impossible. The plot, pace and build-up of the overall story was expertly fine-tuned and streamlined to flawlessness… every point in this movie is leading to an astoundingly memorable, “holy shit” moment… I guarantee it (and George Zimmer would too).

I’m a huge fan of The Consumerist. I think it’s a site anyone with access to the Internet should visit on a constant and ongoing basis. Many an afternoon has been spent reading through dozens of entertaining and infuriating stories dealing with horrible consumer experiences. If you’re pissed at Comcast or Bank of America, this is the place to air your grievances and more often than not, get some support or relief from the issues you’re enduring. Hell, at least you’ll be reassured you’re not alone in your misery. Want to read about Monster Cable absurdly & groundlessly suing the asses off everyone using the word “Monster”, not to mention completely ripping off any consumer who actually makes the mistake of purchasing their overpriced products? This is the place as well. With content that’s updated numerous times throughout the day, it’s a great place to visit anytime you’re bored or would like a quick insight into the continual decline of customer service.

However, sometimes some of the most mindnumbingly retarded shit gets posted to that website. Shit that I, or any person with half a functional brain, couldn’t possibly care any less about.

I can’t quite recall the first time I heard the name Aron Ralston. I beleive I was first introduced to Aron’s story by Maddox, though it appears his description of what happened in May of 2003 differs slightly from Aron’s account. According to the man himself, while canyoneering (whatever the hell that is) in Utah, a boulder fell on his right forearm, crushing and pinning it against the canyon wall. For over 5 days Aron was trapped; completely unable to free his arm or move the boulder… and he eventually made the (insanely ballsy) decision to cut off his own hand. He knew it was the only way he would be able to get out of the canyon, so he took out his dull multi-tool and got to work.

GOD. DAMN.

Now, reading a description of an event is one thing. I’d heard this story for years… but hearing the man himself describe in detail every moment of his “home” surgery is something completely different. After watching this video of Aron describing how he was able to break the bones in his arm and cut off his pinned, decaying hand, all I can think is, “oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my dear fucking god.” I can only hope I would be able to follow in his example if in the same situation… but honestly, I really hope I never have to find out. Check out the following video and tell me you don’t feel the same way:

Holy shit, this is a badass album cover! You simply can’t go wrong with Thor battling a giant sea creature, it’s snaking tongue in hand and Mjolnir glowing, ready to strike with fire and lightning in the distance. Fuck. Yes.

Amon Amarth rarely fail to impress in either the artwork or most importantly, the music of each of their releases. Plus, without fail, they always seem to have the most killer album and track titles. ‘Twighlight of the Thunder God’? Yeah, that’s right… awesome. Just take a look at a small sampling of the song titles from this album and tell me they don’t make you immediatly want to windmill your hair and axe some punk in the back of the skull while chugging a goblet of mead. ‘Where is Your God?’, ‘Tattered Banners and Bloody Flags’, ‘Embrace of the Endless Ocean’, ‘Live for the Kill’. That’s pure viking badassedness right there.

Click the album cover above to bask in it’s embiggened glory, and expect this album to crush your nuts and melt your face September 30th.

More info: amonamarth.com

These ‘Office’ webisodes are just getting better and better. After Kevin has a run-in with what must be the least intimidating loan sharks in Scranton, Darryl decides to tell it like it is and steps in to help Kevin get his much-needed loan… while lining his own pockets in the process. I’m quite glad to see Darryl making an appearance. He’s one of my favorite characters from ‘The Office’ as he always seems to be in a constant state of “holy god, what a fucking idiot” whenever Michael is around… that makes me smile. I can’t wait to see how he smooth-talks the bank employees next week, but until then, enjoy this week’s webisode below:

Previous Webisodes: 1 | 2