Directed by: Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, a bunch of suckas getting blown to bits
Released: January 25, 2008

It’s been more than 25 years since audiences everywhere were treated to their first glimpse of the man… the legend… the invincible killing machine… John J. Rambo. Since then, we’ve all seen our fair share of action movies. I know I have. But seeing Rambo up on the big screen, where he belongs, one last (?) time made this so much more than your average action movie. It was nostalgic. It was exciting. And holy christ, was it violent. But does Rambo still have what it takes? You’re damn right he does.

I don’t care who says otherwise… Dream Evil just plain kicks ass. I mean, come on… they have no religion besides the heavy metal gods and wear nothing but black skin tight leather. METAL. Pure and simple. They are so in the “Book”.

As evidence, may I present exhibit A:

Why, oh why, do people who live in apartment buildings (aside from me of course) have this uncontrollable urge to slam doors, yell in hallways and just overall make way too much goddamn noise at way too goddamn late of an hour. I’m pretty sure the guy who lives above me wears massive Birkenstocks every day while stomping around his place all night like fucking Godzilla. Get some slippers, man. I don’t want to hear you marching around up there while I lie awake in bed pretending to shoot eye lasers through your floor and up your spine (which would be amazing to see… a man getting his spine melted via perfectly aligned high-powered mind laser. Hollywood, get on that. But if I see it in Saw V, I want some royalty money… I only give my ideas away for free for movies that don’t completely fucking suck).

Sorry I sound so angry, but it’s time for sleep. So shut the hell up.

Wait… Seriously? This is seriously the best you could do? My god, this is an amazing ad. I’m glad to see they have someone on staff that can use Microsoft Paint to update some douchebag model headshot.

Just for this, I’m going to stop trimming my nose hair out of spite. It’ll blend into my beard hair, so no big deal. Yeah, suck it Norelco.

Directed by: Matt Reeves
Starring: Michael Stahl-David, Jessica Lucas, Mike Vogel, Lizzy Chaplan, T.J. Miller
Released: January 18, 2008

It’s been nearly 2 hours since the credits rolled on the sneak peek screening of ‘Cloverfield’ and I find myself continuing to think about it. So much, in fact, that I decided to get my thoughts down now instead of waiting for the morning. Note that I tried my best to not add too many spoilers, but I’m sure a few slipped in.

I want to start off by saying wow. Just…. wow. This was the kind of monster movie I’ve been waiting for. Much like ‘The Mist’, which I loved, this film seemed to convey a much deeper understanding of what audiences these days want to see: suspenseful, engaging versions of the monster movies we grew up loving. Movies that make you feel like you are actually there with the characters. And this movie does it wonderfully. It’s not like watching a movie at all… it’s as if you’re experiencing it.